Wednesday, August 23, 2017

Broken


Faith is weird. It starts with belief. You believe. You trust. You go by the words you hear, the sound of the voice and trust your emotions. Blindly. You feel the other person's feelings and trust it. There is no reason for the trust, no verification done, just your heart overriding your brain.
Trust leads you to dream. Your emotions get weaved into the dream painted by the one you trust. Dreams are beautiful, they motivate you to look forward in life, to hope and believe beyond.

And then, the truth comes. As is the nature of truth, it comes and hits you hard. Really hard. Where it hurts the most. Your heart.
Its like a player readying himself to kick the penalty goal, and hits with all his might. And scores a goal. Only this time, it was my heart that took the hit. The hit tore through the fabric of trust I had built. That feeling is numbing, dumbing and breaking. It breaks trust, faith and ruins dreams. No balm can ever reach your broken heart. 
It makes you realize the depths of of despair that your heart can feel. That you could allow another person to make you feel. 

With betrayal, it is the first reaction to blame the other, to feel anger for the other.
But as you spread your arms to collect the pieces of your broken heart, you realise that the only one to blame is yourself. It was you, who believed. It was you who allowed your heart to beat in faith for the other. It was you who set your heart up for a hit that you never thought could come.

It is hard to pick up pieces. They spread away, tear into bits that are hard to find and match and fit into a single whole heart again. The rebuilt heart is not the same old heart, it is changed. Irreversibly. 
But, to rebuild is not impossible. It is again faith that makes you believe that your heart will move on from this point, a better stronger heart, beating faster.

In fact, you thank the other for breaking it. Thank you. Sincerely. For making you realise the depths of pain that your heart can feel. To realise that you can pick up pieces and move on. Stronger.

From somewhere among the broken pieces, faith rises again. Makes you believe again. On yourself this time, more than the other. After all, no one cares for your heart as much as you do. Nobody.

Aisa laath mara tune dilpe, 
Ke phephro se hawa nikal gayi
Aisi sachh sunaiyi tune mujhe
Ki laga, sara zamana mukar gayi
Phirbhi kahungi, aye dost, Shukriya!
Kam se kam, yeh tute dil leke main bhagwan ke aur paas pahunch gayi