Sunday, December 11, 2016

Its easy to fight and rebel, its tough to convince

I read that line, or something similar in the blurb of Chetan Bhagat book, called "2 states, 2 marriages". I couldn't agree more. It is like you want something, and you have to make someone else agree to accept it. Convincing, to my mind is not same as asserting yourself.

In asserting yourself, you really don't give a damn about what the other person wants. What is important, is what you want, and putting it across through either fogging, persistence or a broken record. That's where it is easy. One can learn to be assertive and get what they want. It does not require buy-in from the other party. Or rather, you do not care for the buy-in, because you do not care for the other party. Its you and your want that matter. Compliance from other people is really not so important.

In convincing, however, it is important to get into the "Noah's ark " mode. You got to carry along with you, the entire population's consensus. You want all to comply with your desire. The most apt example of this is a marriage. Guy wants to marry girl and vice-versa, but family is not happy. The couple has two choices - rebel and break or comply and make the relationships last. And, the second route is the tougher path. 

What makes compliance so difficult?

I feel it is a mix of our inherent desires, beliefs, acceptance boundaries and a lot more. Its always difficult in love and war. Even in those two cases, war is easier to understand. In war, you know that death is imminent. You know, this is a lost cause. You know like Arjun standing in Kurukshetra that this war with lofty goals for the society and mankind, will wipe out mankind, your near and dear ones in the process. War is acceptance, the last resort. It was the lack of compliance, dialogue that led on to war. Whoever started it, lost patience in the process of  compliance.

On the other hand, love is complicated. It is not easily understood by the person in love, let alone by others. Love is complicated as it gets mixed up with lust and infatuation. The heady feelings, the addiction to see each other, the songs, the emotions can also be true for  lust and infatuation.
Nonetheless, if it is established in your head that it is love, and you want to bring it to fulfillment, you need to adopt the 'fight or flight' strategy.

Flight is  when you give a damn to the world and run away/ elope with your loved one. My view, this is escapist, easy because you will realize it is indeed a very small world, where you can run, but cannot hide.

The fight mode is not necessarily a war mode. It is a mode where you take it up on yourself to walk the difficult path of gaining compliance. Raj in DDLJ espoused it, while Simran was ready for flight. It is not an easy mode for lovers who  are impatient for fulfillment. It takes time to convert the naysayers in your family and friends into alibis. It is not easy and not necessarily that all will be converted. However, those who went this way,  at least did not need to run away from familiarity. To their credit,  they tried and  learnt something in the process. Compliance through persuasion, argument, logic (when love itself is illogical) is a learning process as indeed it is painful for the lovers and their parents/family.

It is you in love, who want it, and not the others. Yet, you are trying to convince them to understand your want, where your want or love itself is inexplicable. No one can truly define why they fell in love with someone.

Happy convincing!


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